All I Want For Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Kit
Sparta Prague 1 Liverpool 5, 7th March 2024.
SPARTA PRAGUE 1 (Bradley own goal 46)
LIVERPOOL 5 (Mac Allister 6, Núñez 25, 45+3, Díaz 53, Szoboszlai 90+4)
Yes I’m well aware that Dukla Prague have no real meaningful connection whatsoever with this evening’s game, but I was singing the Half Man Half Biscuit song “All I Want For Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Kit” throughout the first half of a truly bonkers game of football that could have seen a half-time score from any random two numbers pulled from a hat and a second half that commenced with a thunderous own goal, at least one possibly two injuries to the Reds already threadbare squad, the incorrect awarding of a VAR goal, the incorrect disallowing of another and a final fifth goal in injury time that ensures next week’s 2nd leg at Anfield is immaterial and Jürgen Klopp can play his “kids” and “boys” once more with his team assured of their place in the Quarter-Finals of the Europa League.
And this is but the tip of a chaotic footballing iceberg that saw the Reds (in their alternative mid 1990’s inspired away kit of green and white quarters) come flying out of the traps with their trademark high pressing that resulted in Alexis Mac Allister winning and then converting a 6th minute penalty before an underwhelming Sparta Prague spurned numerous chances to equalise before the much maligned Darwin Núñez scored the first of his two brilliantly taken goals on 25 minutes past a flapping and flailing Peter Vindahl Jensen in the Sparta goal and even then Ángelo Preciado forced yet another save from Reds goalkeeper Caoimhin Kelleher before another save from the Irishman presented Veljko Birmančević with a simple tap-in goal on 36 minutes, and he fell over his own feet! Núñez scored his second goal in first half injury time with a sublime volley and a game that could have entered the half-time break with any score you wish to name, saw Liverpool cruising with a frankly absurd 3–0 lead.
"Chasing the Impossible and a Sword of Damocles" - Available via Amazon
Within just two minutes of the restart we had a spectacularly ridiculous own goal from Conor Bradley, a muscle injury for Ibrahima Konaté that surely rules out the Parisian man mountain from Sunday’s game of the season with Manchester City (as well as a possible injury to Joe Gomez), a sublimely fluent move involving Conor Bradley and Harvey Elliott that presented a simple goal for Colombian wizard Luis Díaz and with the game safe at 4–1, 20 minutes for a returning Mo Salah to score an absurdly disallowed VAR goal and fellow returnee from injury Dominik Szoboszlai sealing a comprehensive if chaotic 5–1 win deep into second half injury time.
6 goals and a 5–1 away win in Europe that could so easily have seen double the tally of overall goals and any score you wish to name with any 2 random numbers plucked blindfolded from a hat.
It was that kind of night.
Altogether now:
“It was a dodgy transformer again and again
A dodgy transformer again and again
It was a dodgy transformer again and again
A dodgy transformer that cost £3.10"
(“All I Want For Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Kit” - Half Man Half Biscuit)
A final word from The Boss
“So, the result is much better than the performance, that’s true. Sparta played a good game; Sparta took some risks in our possession, they were hiding wingers slightly and our protection was not good, so they could create these counter-attacks. We lost a few unnecessary balls, which is then difficult to protect, but in other moments we should have done better”.
“We adapted during the game and could again actually tell the boys in half-time how we should do it, but then we conceded a goal immediately. But after that it was then not that we controlled it much better and Sparta had chances but I think, I am not 100 per cent sure, but I think two of the big chances they had looked for me offside and Caoimh made a save and we never saw the flag then”.
“But, how I said, Sparta took risks, we punished them for that in other moments, we scored wonderful goals, we had good moments in the game, really good moments in the game and we are not like that, that we think coming here is a walk in the park. It obviously was not a walk in the park, we had to work a lot, but we did not expect an easy game and it was not. But it was a good result and now we fly home, recover and in seven days we meet again”.
Thanks for reading. I pen my thoughts on every Liverpool game with well over 180 articles past and present within my archives here. Alternatively, here are my three most recently published articles on the team I adore:
"The chaos magic of Darwin Núñez strikes again!"
"Klopp’s Kids march on in the FA Cup"
"Klopp’s Kids humble the “Billion Pound Bottle Jobs”