In Court with Johnny 99
“Judge I got debts no honest man could pay”.
“Judge I got debts no honest man could pay”.
On 18th January 2023 I am to appear once more in a county court of law here in the UK for the third time, the second time in two weeks, and all after a near six year hiatus when the original “debt” was first to be aired in the very county court of law I’ll now be attending for the third time.
But it’s not really the third time. Oh no. Today will be strictly speaking the first time, the first real time
For an original debt stretching back to May 2014.
Of which has now clearly changed its dirty hands once more.
And now re-surfaced nearly six years later with a brand new owner.
The entire tawdry tale of the maniacal madness between myself (The Defendant) and a now defunct Energy Company (The Bastards) can be found immediately below in my original article from two weeks ago entitled “In Court with Pink Floyd”. Consider it a lengthy Hors D’oeuvre before this now new, if two week delayed, main course.
I’ve also linked the brief outline to a legal judgement entitled “Denton v TH White Limited” from 2014 and from which I’ll hopefully be interpreting correctly as well as coherently.
You see, I have to become “Blackford of the Bailey” in my representation of “Johnny 99” and he’s far more cocksure of the outcome than I am I can tell you.
*lyrics from “Johnny 99” by Bruce Springsteen*
In Court with Pink Floyd
“Good morning, Worm your Honour”.medium.com
Relief from sanctions. What is the 3-stage Denton test?
Applications for breach of sanctions, prior to Denton v TH White Limited [2014], often suffered harsh decisions and…www.curzongreen.co.uk
“Well they closed down the auto plant in Mahwah late that month
Ralph went out lookin’ for a job but he couldn’t find none
He came home too drunk from mixin’ Tanqueray and wine
He got a gun, shot a night clerk, now they call him Johnny 99”
Your Honour,
As you can clearly see before you today, I’m not a legal man. I’m a writer of prose that I hope will someday see me whisked away on a £1 Million contract and a flat overlooking Lords Cricket Ground by a rather attractive lady with a penchant for the battle between bat and ball, leather on willow, and a spare flat overlooking that particular field of dreams. You see Judge, I’m a dreamer, and I’m not the only one and someday my writing will be merited by such dreams, or because of my devilishly handsome good looks, and until such time I’ll dream those dreams your Honour, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about that.
Now, about this pickle we find ourselves in. I’m not a legal man, I won’t insult your intelligence by suggesting otherwise, but I have referred to the 2014 legal case of “Denton v TH White Limited” and whilst, as a self educated layman, I barely understand the true legal ramifications or indeed the perverse twisting of such linguistic verse, I will be referring to the case very shortly and hoping against hope I’ve read it in the correct legal manner.
This whole charade rises and falls against this pressure I guess.
A dreamer and a writer make for exceedingly good bed fellows your Honour, and ahead of the cancelled waste of everyone’s time (Editor’s Note: I’ll say “mine mainly” at this juncture if I’m feeling particularly cocky) that was the original Hearing two weeks ago, I’d compiled a 5,000 word statement for the presiding Judge that day, Judge Keyser. It’s a rip roaring read as you can no doubt imagine and, should it be necessary, I’ll abridge this opus to heartache in Stage 3 of my referral to “Denton v TH White Limited” as we go.
For go we must, into the hinterland of a hell scape not of my creation and via a legal case from 2014 that oh so aptly collides with when the “debt” first arose, 9 long years ago. I’ve been the central vortex of a story even the Coen Brothers couldn’t fucking write and I’ve probably been Johnny 99 all along.
Who knows Judge, or dares to dream?
“Down in the part of town where when you hit a red light you don’t stop
Johnny’s wavin’ his gun around and threatenin’ to blow his top
When an off-duty cop snuck up on him from behind
Out in front of the Club Tip Top they slapped the cuffs on Johnny 99
“Well the city supplied a public defender but the judge was Mean John Brown
He came into the courtroom and stared poor Johnny down
Well the evidence is clear, gonna let the sentence, son, fit the crime
Prison for ninety-eight and a year and we’ll call it even Johnny 99”
In relation to Stage 1 of “Denton v TH White Limited (2014)” I believe I’ve complied with every stage of this unwanted lead balloon from the sky, have breached no serious or significant rules or matters and have no unpaid court fees. I will break down my wilful, if soul destroying compliance, thus:
(1) Upon receipt of the Court Enforcement Service (CES) letter of 5th August 2022, fully six years and eight months after last hearing about this “debt”, I took the legal advice of the Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) and completed a N244 form and returned this very form to this very court. As I am currently unemployed and claiming Universal Credit, I was advised by the good people at the CAB, and particularly a young helpful Irishman named Ruairi, that zero fees would apply.
In short your Honour, despite this albatross returning to my shoulders once more, I have complied with everything expected of me. Namely:
(2) I telephoned Mr Hill of the Court Enforcement Services (CES) and within the ludicrous time frame of just two hours, after he saw fit to knock on my door at 9.20am, posting a letter confirming that unless I telephoned him within the time frame he’d gain a “Warrant of Entry” from the local court. During our conversation I confirmed to Mr Hill that I’d filed the required county court forms, sought legal advice, and that his visit was a particularly unwelcome one. From zero contact to a newly inherited owner of an old debt six years later, and now pressing for a legal means to enter my home within two months is incredible overreach to say the very least, and especially so as Mr Hill had no idea as to my personal physical and mental position and nor did he know that I’ve complied precisely with the process and filed a legal “defence”. Mr Hill requested me, yes your Honour, me, to “chase the courts” for an update and yet again I was at the centre of a story written by someone else. Deep joy I can tell you, Judge.
Deep joy.
(3) After emailing the local county courts, I emailed this as an update to the Court Enforcement Services (CES) on 18th October 2022, together with a confirmation of the undue pain and anxiety their unwanted and unwarranted visit had caused, reiterating again the severe overreach and overreaction to a “debt” that had lain dormant now for well over six years. I also requested, again, for their action to cease and a written assurance that no further visits would be made until after the legal Tribunal.
(4) Following an email exchange with the Court Enforcement Services (CES) confirming my case to be “live” with further visits and actions still possible, I responded with an email of my own on 26th October confirming:
Stoke County Court have safe receipt of my “defence”.
A Judge will rule on the next steps within days and a Hearing Date set.
I confirmed receipt of their “Welfare Forms” as well as confirming that I have a personal budget as agreed and calculated by the Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) but will only provide this today in a court of law rather than to a strange organisation of whom I know nothing whatsoever about. I have that copy here today as agreed.
I also confirmed my continuing mental health position and my desire for it remain at the maddening boiling point it currently is rather than spilling over. I confirmed my period of grief counselling this year as well as the mental health counselling received since the Summer of 2020.
Lastly, I also vigorously outlined that this “debt” had re-surfaced from nowhere after six years and despite complying with this outrage I still had an unwanted visitor knocking on my door at 9.20am threatening to gain entry to where I’m supposed to feel safe.
I also confirmed yet again that I have had zero contact with the new owners of this “debt”. Zero. Yet from zero to full on intense pressure in two months after a six year old dormant debt that was actually “owned” (if one can “own” such a thing) by a company called “Face to Face Contacts” (represented by a Mr A Betteley) the last time I was aware of this absurd kerfuffle, and that was over six years ago.
“Azzurro Associates Limited” are now the fifth, maybe sixth such strong-arming debt collection company to have had their grubby paws on this “debt”.
And here we are again today.
“Fistfight broke out in the courtroom, they had to drag Johnny’s girl away
His mama stood up and shouted, “Judge don’t take my boy this way”
Well, son, you got any statement you’d like to make
Before the bailiff comes to forever take you away?
Now judge, judge I got debts no honest man could pay
The bank was holdin’ my mortgage and takin’ my house away
Now I ain’t sayin’ that make me an innocent man
But it was more ‘n all this that put that gun in my hand”
Following this brief interlude with “The Boss”, we must resume with Stage 1 of “Denton v TH White Limited (2014)” and my email of 7th November to the Court Enforcement Services (CES) whereby I levelled my outrage at the case remaining “live” and further unwarranted and stressful visits still possible. My email of 7th November was both in response to the CES email of 26th October where Vince Carter of their “Welfare Team” confirmed that despite my personal concerns and the filing of a legal defence, visits could still be made to the property.
Within this email of 7th November 2022, I confirmed four important points:
(1) Gayle, a kindly sounding lady from Stoke Court had telephoned me on 4th November to confirm that a 30 minute Hearing had been set for 4th January 2023 at 10.30am.
(2) I requested, once again, a written assurance that no further visits would be undertaken to the property.
(3) I confirmed once again that I have an agreed budget which I’ll present to the court on the day of the Hearing.
(4) I attached three letters, the first from my GP confirming my childhood PTSD, a second from the bereavement charity CRUSE who provide a listening service following the death(s) of loved ones and finally a letter from the charity MIND confirming my mental health struggles since the closure of my independent business in the Lockdown Summer of 2020.
The following day, 8th November and a particularly poignant one for your humble narrator, I received confirmation from Vince Carter that the case was now “on hold” and he’d advise me otherwise if or when this changes.
If it pleases the court your Honour, may I reiterate the following in summation of Stage 1 of “Denton v TH White Limited (2014)”
I’ve complied thoroughly since first being alerted to this “debt” despite it being nearly seven years old, arguably nearly ten and despite not hearing anything whatsoever in regard to this problem since 15th September 2016.
I may be repeating myself, but a Mr A Betteley of “Face to Face Contacts” said to me, outside of court prior to that Hearing over six years ago, and in a quote I’ll never forget:
“You are not on the list. You should have been notified. You do not need to be here this morning. We will contact you separately from the court”.
Nobody did for over six years.
From nowhere, “Azzurro Associates Ltd” and the Court Enforcement Services (CES) wrote to me and despite my growing annoyance, I’ve complied with this tiresome process once again. I’ve never contacted or contracted with “Azzurro Associates Ltd”. Zero contact. This continues to this day.
And a final important point please your Honour:
As described above, nobody contacted me between 15th September 2016 and 5th August 2022. My question is why was a CCJ awarded against me on 15th February 2017 and why was it issued in my absence and inability to challenge the decision as I wasn’t aware of this until 5th August 2022?
This concludes my reasoning behind Stage 1 of “Denton v TH White Limited (2014)”
“Well, your Honour, I do believe I’d be better off dead
And if you can take a man’s life for the thoughts that’s in his head
Then won’t you sit back in that chair and think it over just one more time
And let ’em shave off my hair and put me on that execution line”
If I’ve read “Denton v TH White Limited (2014)” correctly, then Stages 2 and 3 are immaterial as I do not believe any breaches have been made and I’ve complied thoroughly throughout (Stage 2 is therefore unnecessary) but for what it’s worth, here’s my response to Stage 3.
As I alluded to earlier your Honour, I have a 5,000 word statement written and ready to go but you are no doubt frowning at me right about now so instead, here’s the abridged version:
Arguably, the “debt” itself started in May 2013.
The issue itself came to light exactly a year later when in May 2014, NPower (a largely defunct and heavily scorned “Energy Supplier”) increased my agreed monthly Direct Debit from £55.00 to £327.00. PER MONTH! This gave rise to the first of umpteen frustrated emails on 1st May 2014:
“This brings an end to 12 months of hell and frustration with your company, and now I am overdrawn with my bank. Thank you”.
During the remainder of a long ago 2014, I became an unpaid member of the NPower staff as I collected and collated daily and weekly meter readings, conducted telephone calls and wrote the first of those infamous umpteen emails that are all contained within my original 5,000 word statement. Not only this, I was an ad hoc liaison between myself, NPower and The Ombudsman and whilst I continued to alert everyone involved (including the Landlords and The Managing Agents) that “something is endemic and systematically wrong”, no-one listened and no-one acted. Finally, at the end of the year, The Ombudsman found in my favour (£1,635.36 written off, £355.22 refunded and a now zero account balance) and a horrible year finally ended.
2015 was a rinse and repeat of the previous year. “Credite” became the first of five debt collection agencies to chase me (despite another case going before The Ombudsman) and at the end of the year, another agreement was reached, outside of The Ombudsman, for another write off and another year ending zero balance. Despite this, I wrote repeatedly to all concerned that there was a major electrical problem at the property and a full electrical audit was needed for all four connected flats and the two shops beneath them. This was never conducted or carried out.
2016 was, yes you’ve guessed it, another “rinse and repeat” affair as the endemic problem was never properly addressed and I was still at the centre of a problem not of my creation. “Westcot Services Ltd” became the second debt management company to constantly hassle me now, then another, and then another, and all whilst I requested time and again for a thorough audit and investigation.
“Face to Face Contacts” took me to court, this very court, on 15th September 2016, giving rise to their infamous “We will contact you separately from the court” whilst also giving rise to yet another lengthy email to NPower and all concerned, quote:
“This was my first time in a court of law in my 44 years on earth. Today I felt like a criminal”.
A County Court Judgement (CCJ) was registered against me and without any warning on 15th February 2017 and I only discovered this when I received the initial demand letter from the Court Enforcement Services (CES) on 5th August 2022.
Over six (SIX!) years later.
And here we are again today. Six long years later and a company I’ve never heard of, been contacted by or contracted with, is now demanding three big ones!
Deep joy, I can tell you Judge. Deep joy.
Afterword
It is precisely 12 Noon on a bitterly cold, snow covered afternoon of 18th January 2023 and I’m raging with the force of a thousand squirrels after finding their winter’s harvest of nuts had been pilfered by a wraith in the night. I arrived with 15 minutes to spare before the 10am legal kick-off and just before the morning witching hour, I was approached by the legal team representing “Azzurro Associates Ltd” and we adjourned to a side room. We had a cordial if lively discussion, evidence of sorts was loosely batted back and forth and with my declaration that I wasn’t prepared to “settle” or come to any agreement, we adjourned once more, and entered the Judge’s Chambers.
That’s when everything went spectacularly, catastrophically and very predictably wrong.
The Hearing lasted just 4–5 minutes in which the Judge immediately stated I’d broken and breached Stage 1 of “Denton v TH White Limited (2014)” by not filing my defence in writing by 11th January. I immediately countered this by stating that no such stipulation of a filing of a defence was made, simply that I had to return on this date and argue my case on the basis of the 2014 legal case. We argued. I was chastised for continually “talking over” the Judge. I was. I was furious. I didn’t swear but I was fucking furious and I was fucking close. He was incorrect. Thoroughly incorrect.
Here’s how:
(1) On 4th January 2023, a date I’ll be returning to shortly, the same Judge told me that on the reconvened date of today, I’d need to refer my defence to the legal case noted above. He stated a time of 10am and today’s date and never, ever did he specify that I needed to complete a formal defence form ahead of the Hearing. Never. Ever. Completely incorrect.
(2) Why did I speak with today’s Judge on 4th January 2023 I hope you may be asking yourselves? Well that’s because the original Judge (Judge Keyser) didn’t turn up, nor did any legal representatives for “Azzurro Associates Ltd” and after waiting for over two hours (with an absent Judge and an absent opposition legal team, lest we forget), today’s Judge saw me for two minutes and as above, verbally stated the legal case my particular case rests on. He actually admitted that he shouldn’t give advice such as this, but he did, and he never, ever stated I had to file a written defence before today’s Hearing.
(3) We continued arguing and I hope you’re cheering for your humble narrator for doing so. I categorically stated all of the above points. I talked over him and corrected him when he stated we’d initially spoken on 5th January rather than the correct date of 4th. I reverted to colloquialism at this point, stating he’d “done a favour for Judge Keyser” by even seeing me on 4th and the for the tacit guidance on the legal case I needed to refer to. I showed him my sheaf of papers, handwritten notes and evidence all pointing to that damned legal case of “Denton v TH White Limited (2014)”. He responded, in not so many words, that I couldn’t simply read my notes in my defence as I’d prepared for and that I had to file the pre Hearing defence I wasn’t aware of and had categorically not been notified about.
So we argued some more.
And I stated that I was “sick of this albatross that’s haunted me for nearly a decade” and then I stared at a television monitor nearby, the “No Signal” banner slowly cascading from side to side, up and down she went.
And then I left the courtroom a defeated man.
I now have until 27th January to file a written defence referring to “Denton v TH White Limited (2014)”. It’s an “easy Google search” according to the pompous prig who I hope has a similar distaste for me as I do him. I also have to “pay attention to the final paragraph” of the form and all I can think about right now is the thousand or so angry squirrels that are apoplectic with rage inside the tiny confines of my fracturing mind.
Postscript to the Postscript
The Boss once wrote
“Well my soul checked out missing, as I sat listening, to the hours and minutes ticking away
Yeah just sitting around, waiting for my life to begin, while it was all just slipping away
And I’m tired of waiting for tomorrow to come, or that train to come roaring ‘round the bend”
and from here Mr Springsteen would go on to celebrate the “Better Days” that lay ahead.
I was on a high last evening when I commenced this ode to disaster capitalism. I felt I was prepared. I had this licked. Stages 2 and 3 of that legal case that dare not speak its name? No need. I had complied thoroughly and faithfully, even against the spectre of that six year old albatross returning to haunt me.
Yet today, and still on that bitingly cold snow covered afternoon at a tick past 1pm now, I’m beside myself with rage, and the only people who have heard my “story” are the small cabal of people I foist this balderdash upon. To the merry cabal I thank you, not I’m not alright, but thanks for asking when next we meet.
Ironies abound: Still at the centre of someone else’s story. Am I taking it too seriously, or not seriously enough? I have much, much larger problems than this. Am I even referring correctly, legally speaking, to that damned legal case? From a position of confidence to the dark well of self loathing.
That albatross, weighing heavier by the day.
A damsel in a dress, a flat overlooking Lords Cricket Ground, and a field made for dreamers.
“I figure anybody who can find peace & personal happiness without ripping off somebody else deserves to be left alone”
Hunter S Thompson.
Thanks for reading. For less serious fare, here are three examples that can be found in the cave of wonders that are my archival lists here:
“There Will Be Blood” (2007)
“We have a sinner with us here who wishes for salvation!”medium.com
Brighton March to Solly’s tune
Brighton 3 Liverpool 0, 14th January 2023.medium.com
Friday 13th with the “Grand Old Lady”
“Like a bridge over troubled water”medium.com