Liverpool 7 Manchester United 0
“They’re tearing Manchester United apart here!”
Look, us Liverpool fans all need a little cheering up as the fairy tale ending for Jürgen Klopp’s final season cannot now be written. The magnificent genial giant German from Stuttgart will be leaving as a living legend before returning in the years to come as one of Liverpool’s own. His dominating, winning team(s) won the lot, played “PlayStation Football” from another universe for 18 months and on Sunday 5th March 2023 put 7 past a bedraggled set of “Red Devils” from Manchester.
“They’re tearing Manchester United apart here!”
Yes they were Mr TV commentary man.
Yes they were.
Liverpool 7 Manchester United 0 - My Youtube channel reading
Original Article - "Reds in Seventh Heaven as they cast the Manchester Devils into the night"
"Chasing the Impossible and a Sword of Damocles" - Available via Amazon
Liverpool 7 (SEVEN) Manchester United 0, 5th March 2023
With 15 minutes still to play this evening, The Kop, that mass of footballing humanity behind the goal of Anfield’s famed stadium where I’ve had the privilege of standing umpteen times in my match going days, delved into their collective songbook for a tune to mark the occasion. They serenaded their footballing heroes dressed all in red with the old school chant of
“One Two, One Two Three, One Two Three Four, Five Nil!”
before more old school chants reverberated around the fields of Anfield Road.
The Spanish matador cry of “Olé” surfaced as early as the 50th minute as Liverpool had swept Manchester United away in just 7 minutes of actual game time either side of half-time to race into a 3–0 lead. “Show Them The Way To Go Home” soon followed as Darwin Nunez delicately flicked home his second goal of the game, and after Mo Salah has smashed home an unstoppable volley for his first. I ADORE the “Show Me The Way to Go Home” song, bastardised to reflect on the “them”, the opposition, and a bedraggled and beaten opposition serenaded, tired and weary into their beds
“Cos they’re only half a football team, compared to the boys in Red”.
Boy do I love that song!
It’s the ultimate song of triumph. The opposition, whomever they shall be, are beaten, humiliated, no chance of a revival, and merely playing out time in utter, abject, embarrassed defeat. Today’s defeated “Red Devils” of Manchester United were described by their legendary ex defender Gary Neville on TV co-commentary duties as a “shambles” at 5–0 down, a “disgrace” at 7–0 and “unprofessional” during his first bout of post match analysis. I’m sure worse followed and will continue to do so in the coming days, but he reserved his earliest and angriest criticism for United’s captain Bruno Fernandes who, like Luke Shaw in particular, completely lost their heads and professionalism. Whilst Shaw danced a fine line as he compounded a dreadful performance with some snide and dirty little challenges, venting his anger at his team’s humiliation, Fernandes had all but given up. Unforgiveable. Fernandes has long since joined Dennis Wise, Vinnie Jones and Luis Suarez (and please feel free to insert your own Hall of Fame inductee here) as Premier League footballers who could start a fight in an empty house. I’d call him a namby-pamby fishwife, but then again, that’s probably politically incorrect.
Then again, so is beating Manchester United 7–0.
The rub is that Manchester United were arguably ahead on the Judge’s scorecard at half-time and although unfortunate to trail 1–0, it was the first of a catalogue of self-inflicted errors and dreadful defensive mistakes pounced upon by a rampant, eager Liverpool. The Reds dominated the first 20 minutes although the visitors had the only shot of merit on target in this period through Brazilian winger Antony on 9 minutes. United simply hadn’t started and were wasteful in possession before retreating in defence, deep inside their own half. I then saw a slightly wilting and leggy (how wrong could I be?) Reds team surrender both the ball and control of the game to their visitors along the East Lancs Road. United created 3 genuine goal scoring chances in 6 minutes, the first of which a sweeping move (after a dreadful elbow of a foul on Mo Salah) that saw Mr Popular himself Bruno Fernandes, diving to head mere inches wide of a gaping goal when he should have scored.
Casemiro did score 3 minutes before the break, rightly disallowed for the obvious offside, but his team were well on top (face facts Reds!) but both Diogo Dalot and Fred “switched off”, self inflicting their first error of a comedy full of them to follow, and Cody Gakpo curled a beauty of a goal past an unsighted David de Gea on the cusp of the half-time break. It was a gem of a finish from the young Dutchman, the result of a defence splitting “inside” pass from the captain of Scotland Andy Robertson (keep still my beating heart!) and in the face of stiff opposition, today’s “Man of the Match” for his industrious display. Flawless defensively, always looking to attack and spread the play. A remarkable performance. As was that pass for Gakpo’s brilliantly taken goal.
A comedy of errors would soon follow.
If Darwin Nunez’s second goal, Liverpool’s fifth, and the occasion once more for The Kop to serenade their visitors and show them the way to go home, was a brilliantly instinctive striker’s goal, a leaping flicked header into the corner of the United net, his first goal inside two minutes of the second half was a poachers effort he couldn’t miss, and United were already on their way to a soon to be described Gary Neville shambles. First Luke Shaw simply surrendered possession to Harvey Elliott before Wout Weghorst, Casemiro and Raphael Verane all tamely dithered with limp challenges for a loose ball approaching their own penalty area before a Fabinho chipped pass led to another Luke Shaw mistake, and Nunez simply couldn’t miss from Harvey Elliott’s drilled cross.
Mo Salah will have undoubtedly been a resounding choice by many as today’s man of the match, and the somewhat absent Egyptian King of late is back back back, and now ahead of God as the Reds all time goal scorer in the Premier League. That very goal, Liverpool’s sixth, owed a little once more to the self inflicted calamities happening everywhere inside the Manchester United penalty area as Luke Shaw crashed a hurried and panicked clearance against Roberto Firmino, and straight into the path of a gleeful Salah. Trent Alexander-Arnold placed an invisible crown atop the Egyptian King’s head, now bare chested to The Kop who so adore him, ripped like a lightweight boxer as he punched out the lights of Manchester United once more. God himself later tweeted his appreciation of Salah, sitting in the seats named after him high in the main stand, though I doubt even God himself would have celebrated bare chested in front of The Kop!
If 6–0 up and five goals in front of The Kop wasn’t perfect enough, then imagine the sloppy re-bound from Scott McTominay that presented Mo Salah his record equalling goal earlier, and a ferocious right foot volley that flew past a flailing David de Gea, or the beautiful Brazilian magician in the number 9 shirt, his exuberant celebration reflected all around those glorious fields of Anfield Road as 6–0 became 7–0, and a Reds seventh heaven. Roberto Firmino, the glue, creative force of footballing nature and first line of defence for the Reds for 8 seasons is soon to depart for footballing futures anew. It will pain me to see Bobby in someone else’s shirt but he leaves with the love he’ll return with one day as a club legend.
Rather fond was our Bobby of taking his shirt off too, especially after a game winning goal!
Or to crown his team as Club World Champions of the World in 2019.
But talking of perfection, I’ll leave you with this:
Picture everyone’s favourite Mr Popular, the starter of fights in an empty house and namby-pamby fishwife, Bruno Fernandes, the ball at his feet from a short corner on 50 minutes, the score, 2–0. His cross into the penalty area is a lame one, straight to the feet of Jordan Henderson who calmly controls the ball, looks up and slides a perfect pass into the starting run of Cody Gakpo. The Reds skipper was imperious today in a performance that’ll be as overlooked as the fact he started the ball rolling for two of the Reds goals and eerily both from a similar position on the field, but no matter. The ball was now at the flying feet of Mo Salah who approached the usually impressive Lisandro Martinez but today, and especially now, Salah made a mockery of him as he, in the footballing vernacular, “turned him inside out” before deliciously putting him on his backside as he played a sublime ball inside to the still running Cody Gakpo. With David de Gea racing from his line, the young Dutchman simply “dinked” an exquisite first time beauty into the far corner of the Manchester United net and
“They’re tearing Manchester United apart here!”
Yes they were Mr TV commentary man.
Yes they were.
“Show them the way to go home
They’re tired and they wanna go to bed
Cos they’re only half a football team
Compared to the boys in Red”
Thanks for reading. I hope this message in a bottle in The Matrix finds you well, prospering and the right way up in an upside down world.
Now this is the Liverpool I remember! Just complete obliteration of Man U. Love to see it!
"Wherever I may go/on land or sea or foam/you can always here me singing this song/Show me the way to go home..."