Magnífico Los Blancos hazlo otra vez!
Saturday night at the Sports Desk
Hey Jack!
How are you my old friend? How are the wounds coming along after the wolverine attack? Those gashes in your jugular sure looked deep my friend and that wolverine was as fearsome as they come. How we fucking laughed at your expense as we added further chains and padlocks to your office door that day. We still laugh about that to this very day! How’s old Mary Todd? Please give her my fondest regards even though we must surely admit to ourselves that, even within the deep love of our friendship, she fucking despises me. I think she believes me reckless and even before I wheeled that muscular carnivore into your office and locked you inside your glassed in corner office of bloody doom.
We’ve still got the video!
Hard to believe it’s been 12 months my old friend and I do hope you’re healing well. The world needs someone like you, just not now, and not for some considerable future too but sometime and someone, you are that someone, and the world needs you Jack. Stay strong.
Jeremy is in hospital and his daughter looked white as a ghost in their jointly owned sweet shop in paradise this afternoon. I’ve known that sweet Welsh Englishman for over a decade now and his friendship has meant the world to me. One day I’ll tell you of the evening that he came to my rescue in my darkest of hours and I’ll maybe even tell the story of the afternoon he stood in my corner as I landed a heavyweight blow against some rapacious disaster capitalists in a court of English law. One day Jack. One day.
Samantha was absent from the chip shop but I have no fears for her health or well being. They say that only two things will survive a nuclear holocaust: Cockroaches and Keith Richards. Well you can add Sam to that lofty list of beautiful nuclear fallout survivors and if the lunatics in our collective insane asylum get their way, we’ll be experiencing a winter of the nuclear variety as soon as their masters from the 5th Dimension finally get their demonic way. It’s coming Jack, face facts, but let’s not get off topic here as I have a deadline to meet and I want to see some men beat the living piss out of each other on live television. It’s sport Jack, and more sport than I can handle right now but I’m a professional my old friend, and wolverines don’t come cheap.
The football? Real Madrid did what Real Madrid do. They play rope-a-dope for 60 minutes before punching their opposition into submission for 20 and then take a 10 minute lap of honour. Barely played or rather outplayed by a thoroughly dominant Borussia Dortmund for an hour or so and then, the dagger to the footballing heart. Madrid’s goalkeeper Thibaut Courtois was their undoubted “man of the match” for an hour as he repelled everything the German team could kick and head his way, just as he did two years ago to break my Liverpool heart. Soon after Niclas Füllkrug hit the post on 22 minutes I screamed into the madhouse of Twitter that this “smelled” of their victory over Liverpool two years ago as Madrid hadn’t started, their goalkeeper was keeping them in the contest (with the aid of a Champions League goal post once more too) and that Madrid would win 1–0. Just as they did two years ago and so unjustifiably so against my Mighty Reds.
Bunch of bastards.
Alas they won 2–0 and exactly the score I predicted to my non-football watching son prior to kick-off. Regular readers of my column here at Sports Unillistrated will be aware that I’m both not a betting man and neither am I ever correct with my score predictions but this evening I was, even though my heart said 2–1 in favour of Borussia Dortmund. Alas it wasn’t to be but their rendition of “You’ll Never Walk Alone” before kick-off was something fucking else and the camera found Jürgen Klopp singing along with the glorious anthem adopted by both football clubs he steered to unimaginable glory.
I’m going to miss that beaming ball of light from Stuttgart and I wish he was still manager of Liverpool.
Must go Jack, deadline calls. If you’re still alive, send word.
Love you.
For other rambling nonsense such as this you may wish to try any number of the books I’m about to shamelessly promote. All free to read if you have an Amazon Kindle “Unlimited” package. Or you could buy hundreds of them to use as kindle (get it?) for when you need to start a fire in the coming nuclear winter.
