Rain ends the England pain as Australia dominate at Lords
Ashes Day 8: Lords Cricket Ground, London.
Ashes Day 8: Lords Cricket Ground, London.
Friday 30th June 2023
Australia 416 all out 130–2 (lead by 221 runs)
England 325 all out
Act One: The World Champions come out to play
Oh dear.
From a position of real strength and dominance at 188–1 and an overnight total of 278–4, England had yet another chaotic hour of play they inflicted upon themselves yesterday evening and when those two plus hours of sporting madness are combined, they’ve collapsed from a dominating position and ahead of the Test Match entering this morning, to being well behind two hours later at the lunch time break in play. Even ex England slugger Kevin Pietersen stole my “Kamikaze Kricket!” slogan (patent pending and please note the correct spelling) and he may as well have paid me a fortune for the use of “Calypso Collapso” (also patent pending) as the hosts limply lost their final 6 wickets this morning for just 47 runs to trail their Australian visitors by 91 runs on 1st innings. From a genuine position of authority, England lost their final 9 wickets for just 137 runs and collapsed amid the madness of yesterday afternoon and a dismal morning whereby the World Test Champions really came out to play.
Australia may have continued with their, cricketing vernacular, “Bumper Barrage”, but this morning was more targeted at the batsmen to play defensively from their chest/upper torso area, rather than the even shorter pitched balls enticing them to hook or pull last evening. This morning, Australia bowled that slightly fuller length but still digging into the wicket to generate the steep bounce that made every England batsman have to play rather than deciding whether to play the even riskier hook or pull and almost with a reversed logic of attacking rather than defending the continual short pitched bowling. The skipper fell to only the second delivery of the morning that jagged square of his bat before finding the grasping fingertips of Cameron Green in the “Gully” position for yet another fantastic catch from the 24 year old all-rounder from Perth. Stokes was truly defeated by a brilliant delivery from Mitchell Starc but Harry Brook reached his half century and then, baseball style, clubbed a simple catch to Aussie skipper Pat Cummins, who would then be the recipient of another simple catch to dismiss Jonny Bairstow, and from 188–1 and 278–4 overnight, England had been bullied into a tame collapse this morning, and all out for 325 to trail Australia on 1st innings by 91 runs.
In the space of just over two hours that straddled the end of day 2 and the beginning of day 3, England have first imploded before being thoroughly dismantled by a brilliant bowling display from Australia. Their opening batsmen in the guise of childhood friends Usman Khawaja and David Warner survived a testing 20 minute period prior to the Lunch Break to rest easy on 12–0 and a dominating overall lead of 103 runs for their team.
“Uno Ashes”
Dad 1 (9)
Lad 4 (17)
To compound my morning of sporting misery, the lad and I resumed our card playing battle of Uno and after a tight first game whereby I clawed back a 75 point deficit to level the scores at 91 in our joint search for 100 points and a game notched in the “win” column, the lad eventually triumphed 100–91 in game 1, whitewashed me in game 3 and thoroughly ground my sorry card playing arse into the dirt to win the session 4 games to 1 to hold a 17–9 aggregate lead during the Ashes so far.
I obviously let him win so I can watch the cricket, and if you believe that I have a flat for sale overlooking Lords Cricket Ground and an urn full of ashes I “borrowed” from the museum at the ground.
Act Two: The continuing charm of “Test Match Special”
Over bacon sandwiches this morning I made the following proposal to my son: I would have control of the TV for the 1st and 3rd sessions of the day (and I’d let him beat me at Uno whilst I watch England infuriate and befuddle me) and he could wrest control of the TV for the afternoon session and a movie of his choice when the cricketing day was done. So for two hours this afternoon I delved once more into the beautiful charm that is both “Test Match Special” and listening to live sport on the radio. Being the contrarian that I endeavour to be, I actually prefer live sport via the medium of the radio, especially so football, but like its American cousin baseball, cricket is an elongated game and in the case of cricket, many days long, so with nearly 7 hours of play to colour, shape and commentate on, listening to cricket on the radio is something of a pleasure for this 50 something perennial teenager.
With an entire day to fill, a rotating gaggle of ex cricket professionals will routinely share their in-jokes, tales from their playing days, last night’s dinner destination through to tales of this very morning and Jonathan “Aggers” Agnew and his early morning trip to Abbey Road and a tinkling of the ivories of a piano once played by The Beatles. There was a plentiful supply of tourists having their picture taken on the road crossing made famous forever by the Liverpudlian “Fab Four” and soon enough talk in the commentary box returned to a lament at a limp England performance this morning, more than a hint of criticism as to their cavalier attitude during last evening’s antics before ex England captain Michael Vaughan raised the spectre of a green coloured aerosol spray being liberally applied to the bowler’s run up and the fact that Phil “Tuffers” Tufnell, England spin bowling cult hero of yore, had once recorded a song at Abbey Road called “Marmite”.
If that isn’t exciting enough for you then the great, great Australian commentator Jim Maxwell began a tale of limericks told to him the previous evening before imploring the wider TMS audience to provide their own and soon enough, the cricketing army heeded the call from all points on the compass of a worldwide audience of beautiful people like me who love listening to cricket on the radio.
The actual cricket itself?
Oh dear.
Australia are 81–1 and lead by 172 runs.
England are truly in trouble, a lot of which is self inflicted, and against the best team in the world.
David Warner scrapped his way by batting against his own attacking grain in grinding his way to 25 before falling Leg Before Wicket (LBW) to the bowling of Josh Tongue for the only wicket of the session. Usman Khawaja continues to seemingly bat on every day of this Ashes series to rest at the Tea Break on 45 not out and like his current partner Marnus Labuschagne, he received a cricketing “life” when a pull shot “burst” through the normally reliable hands of Jimmy Anderson. Khawaja epitomises the Aussie spirit of grit, determination and will to win that has seeped through the opening two sessions of play today and with time not a factor, Australia are clearly hunkering down to score as many runs as possible and England desperately, desperately need wickets in the day’s final session of play.
Act Three: Rain ends the England pain as the Aussies are now massive favourites
Before the English rain did indeed stem the cricketing pain inflicted by their Australian sporting cousins, TMS treated its army of listeners to 20 minutes during the Tea Break in the company of ex Australian opening batsman and now coach Justin Langer, and “JL” as he is more recognisably known was on fine form indeed. He shone a light on the infamous “Sandpapergate” the reintegration in the team of two of its guilty parties (David Warner and Steve Smith) as well as a righteous opinion on the reckless batting employed by England yesterday evening. From one highly listenable Aussie to another as from JL we cross to MJ or Mel Jones on Sky Television duties and the sexiest voice in all of cricket, even more so than Jim Maxwell (sorry Jim!).
Boy I could simply lie back and listen to Mel Jones reading the Wisden Almanack, the highest of compliments as well a cricketing joke for you, but alas that was as sexy as today got as a sharp rain shower ended play with fully 75 minutes still to play and with Australia not only in the ascendency but in as strong a dominating position as they could wish for entering day 4 tomorrow morning. The visitors ended the day on 130–2 and with the addition of their 1st innings lead of 91, they hold a commanding lead of 221 runs with fully 8 wickets still left in the cricketing “shed” as well Usman Khawaja returning in the morning on an unbeaten 58 not out and their nemesis and arguably the best batsman in the world Steve Smith, 6 not out.
The only wicket to fall in the rain shortened session was Smith’s chuckle brother-in-arms Marnus Labuschagne who was gifted a “life” early on (much to the consternation and angry chuntering of England bowler Stuart Broad) before tamely hitting a dreadful “long hop” from Jimmy Anderson into the grateful hands of Harry Brook. Labuschagne may only have made 30 runs but his team will be returning in the morning with a mammoth lead of over 220 runs and in the capable hands of the immovable object that is Usman Khawaja as well as the seemingly unstoppable force of Steve Smith. With two full days still to go, Australia must be targeting a lead of over 400 runs and a possible declaration in the final session tomorrow, thus giving them near-on four sessions in which to bowl England out for a famous Lords victory.
England on the other hand bowled magnificently without any luck and are firmly behind the 8 ball as the rain continues to fall in North West London. With all brutal honesty, an hour of madness and an hour of brilliance from Australia have cost them so far in addition to the dropped catches from a team who look beaten and in need of a magical spell of bowling in the opening session tomorrow morning.
“Uno Ashes”
Dad 1 (10)
Lad 3 (20)
Another session of Uno lost and now I’m trailing by a whopping 20 games to 10. I whitewashed the lad in game 2. He completely thrashed me in the other 3 games of pain for your favourite cricket correspondent, and sheer excited, competitive joy for his son. It may sound like sour grapes but the amount of times I had my son holding a bucketful of cards as I held a couple and headed for certain victory, only for him to somehow magically make his cards disappear is a magic trick only David Blaine could explain.
England need a magic trick all of their own tomorrow. Perhaps we should conduct a collective rain dance? Spells and potions? Howls at a full moon? A deal with the devil? Prayers to the Almighty?
Does anyone have David Blaine’s telephone number?
Thanks for reading. Days 1 and 2 of this 2nd Ashes Test Match are linked below should you desire some further reading on this sporting contest:
Indiana Jones and a Quest for the Ashes
Ashes Day 6: Lords Cricket Ground, London.medium.com
Aussies bounce out the Bazballers! Lords Test perfectly poised
Ashes Day 7: Lords Cricket Ground, London.medium.com