“Tales I Tell Myself” Vol.16
Bats and Giants and Baseball on the Riverside
Monday 14th August 2023
“Bats and Giants and Baseball on the Riverside”
America’s Pastime in middle England
Hello and welcome to “Baseball Tonight”, I’m your host, Tom Catcher. We sure have a packed show for you this evening but without further ado, we cross now to our Chief Sports Reporter for the latest score in the inter-league battle between the Birmingham “Bats” and the Telford “Giants” at “Meadow Field”, on the banks of the River Severn:
Thanks Tom.
Well my assistant and chief photographer and I arrived for the 11am start time amid spits and spots of typically English Summer rain and missing an umpire and many players from both teams, we decided instead to pay a visit to our favourite human being in nearby Ironbridge, a genial gentleman by the name of Jeremy and of course, his beautiful pug-dog who is anything but the grizzly “Bear” emblazoned on his name tag! As ever, Jeremy, the owner of the town’s quaint and incredibly enticing “Old Fashioned Sweet Shop”, treated my young apprentice like a prince among men before Samantha, the flirtatious manageress of the town’s chip shop, couldn’t stop smiling and cooing over the young buck beside me who has grown into a teenage man before her very eyes.
Following some fish and chips in the company of the “Grand Old Lady” of Ironbridge we arrived back at Meadow Field to find America’s pastime fully underway and in the bottom of the 2nd inning, the home team Giants were trailing early in the game 4–3 to the visiting “Bats” from Birmingham. With the parting of the overhead clouds came the sunshine of a struggling Telford team scoring 3 runs in the bottom of the 3rd inning, a further 5 unanswered runs in the bottom of the 4th and by the conclusion of the 5th inning, the home team “Giants” of Telford now hold an imposing 11–4 lead.
Back to you in the studio, Tom.
Frustratingly at the time of writing, the final score is yet to be updated on the West Midlands Baseball League (www.wmbl.co.uk) website, so with a little artistic licence I’m settling on a 20–8 final score line in favour of the home team “Giants” that arrests the slide of their back-to-back defeats in recent weeks to the “Metalheads” of Birmingham and the “Wolves” of Wolverhampton. This entirely fictitious victory still sees the team from Telford with a negative 3–7 season record and next to bottom of the West Division with just 2 fixtures remaining. Meanwhile in the East Division, the sorry tale of a sorry season continues for the “Bats” of Birmingham as this entirely made up result (at the time of writing) leaves them rooted to the bottom of the division with a season record of 1–10 and up next, a Birmingham city derby with the “Metalheads”, recent conquerors of Telford by a whopping 26 runs to 11.
Up next for the “Giants” of Telford is the visit of the “Grizzlies” from Stockton this coming Sunday, and with the prospect of seeing Jeremy, his adorable pug-dog and receiving some piping hot fish and chips from a cheeky lady with the most flirtatious of smiles, you can count me in.
“Take me out to the ball game.
Take me out with the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack.
I don’t care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the home team.
If they don’t win it’s a shame.
For it’s one, two, three strikes, you’re out.
At the old ball game!”
“Bats and Giants and Baseball on the Riverside” can also be found singing and dancing between pages 337 and 339 of my late March 2024 self-published book “Tales I Tell Myself”.
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Thanks for reading. I hope this message in a bottle in The Matrix finds you well, prospering, and the right way up in an upside down world.