Tales I Tell Myself — Vol.4
“Here’s a Christmas idea I can get behind”
Chapter 27 of my last self-published book “Tales I Tell Myself” is a scathing self deprecating take on the spirit of Christmas entitled “Here’s a Christmas idea I can get behind” but before we get to the tinsel and mistletoe and the presents and mulled wine of a Christmas morning, here are 7 sublime images from Stokesay Castle which, according to the official English Heritage website is:
“The finest and best-preserved fortified medieval manor house in England. Discover the great hall, unchanged for over 700 years. Spot characters carved in the timbers of the 17th-century gatehouse and climb to the top of a fairy-tale tower for breathtaking views of the Shropshire Hills”.
“Stokesay Castle was constructed at the end of the 13th century by Laurence of Ludlow, who at the time was one of the richest men in England. It remains a treasure by-passed by time, one of the best places to visit in England to experience what medieval life was like”.
“Here’s a Christmas idea I can get behind”
“and you thought YOU loved Christmas?”
27th December, 2022
I despise Christmas for a multitude of personal reasons we don’t have the time or the Festive inclination with which to delve any further into today. It is Christmas after all!
At least it was two days ago.
Today is the 27th December, and my burning question is: What’s the fucking point of 27th December?
Is it still classified as a holiday? Have you had to beg this day as a holiday from that glassed in tomb of a job that is slowly killing you? Is there any more premier live sport? Do you really want another turkey sandwich now that the balloon of Christmas has been popped and replaced with this netherworld of indecision, uncertainty, unread work emails and wondering what day it is today, and is it still a holiday?
So in my revolution we simply delete today, forget it ever existed and whilst we’re at it, my revolutionary thinking leads me to believe we should just delete the other 361 worthless days of the year and simply keep Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day as a permanent rolling 3 day week for the rest of our lives.
And you thought YOU loved Christmas?
Faker!
What I also propose, as your revolutionary leader, is that our new three day Christmas for ever life also runs on a Friday, Saturday and Sunday. We’re making our own rules people! Fuck it, that’s have a long weekend for the rest of our lives too.
And you thought YOU loved Christmas?
Christmas Eve Friday, that hive of human activity and expectation, the warmth of human energy at its finest. A Christmas morning Saturday, a roaring fire and the ripping open of presents amid beaming smiles and joyous laughter and the playing of “Last Christmas” by Wham and the non-censored or sanitised version of “Fairy tale of New York” by the Pogues (featuring the voice of an Angel). A leisurely Boxing Day Sunday scattered with presents and friends, handshakes and hugs, scores settled, love spread, cheer consumed with alcohol and the milk of human kindness. A constant supply of pigs in blankets, roast potatoes, presents around a tree that will never die, not in our brave new world, a light dusting of snow, cats chasing a shiny bauble, the dogs, snug as bugs in the rug beside the fire.
And you thought YOU loved Christmas?
Now I know it all sounds a bit radical and much like those weirdos who celebrate Christmas Day, every, single, day. Come on, it’s a three day weekend for life I’m proposing, not that level of weirdness! I’m sure you can see the benefits I’m proposing here. I realise that for such a wondrous weekend we need professional sportsmen and women, actors and actresses, singers, dancers and associated performers who will have to work for our live televisual entertainment. Please think of them. Doing what they live for, live for, every three days (at least) for the rest of their lives.
Please think of them.
“Madame Butterfly” at the Sydney Opera House.
The Boxing Day Test Match from Melbourne.
The Green Bay Packers and The Miami Dolphins from Wisconsin.
Liverpool and Manchester United, and a stadium called “Heaven”.
A live singing with the stars dancing on ice Britain’s Got Talent Great British Bake Off extravaganza.
Every three Christmas tinged days.
For the rest of your life.
And you thought YOU loved Christmas?
Ever notice that the “News” seems to disappear in this mythic time frame I’m proposing too? No delivered mail. No scam or obtrusive telephone calls. The world that’s pumped into your eyes and ears for 362 other days of the year just seems to disappear doesn’t it? Viruses, plagues, pestilence and those dastardly terrorists all seem to take the Christmas holidays too. Ever notice that the “News” (and the fear, anxiety, war drums, viruses, plagues and terrorists) only seems to resume when the holidays are over?
And you thought YOU loved Christmas?
Faker!
"Here's a Christmas idea I can get behind" - original article
"Tales I Tell Myself" - available via Amazon
Thanks for reading. I hope this message in a bottle in The Matrix finds you well, prospering, and the right way up in an upside down world.