Twitter Watch: Vol.4
The narcissistic edition and my blossoming love affair for Elon Musk
The narcissistic edition and my blossoming love affair for Elon Musk
Love is in the air in this, the fourth volume of my watching of the Twitter madhouse. Whereas in previous editions I’ve specifically focused on the tweets of others here it’s a two pronged arrow of love at myself in a rather grandiose sign of over satisfaction, as well as Elon Musk and the keeper of the flame of a love that will forever remain unrequited. But that’s very much par for my social media course. Over my 12 year association with Twitter I’ve expressed unrequited love for the former German Chancellor Angela Merkel and being the gentleman that I am I will never divulge the true nature of our love tryst and those steamy pillow talks during our hot and steamy nights together in Germany. Nor will I fully go public with my admiration and love for the most ridiculously handsome man God’s green earth has ever seen, Cristiano Ronaldo. I’ve had many more love trysts with the rich and famous over the years but then I’ve also had secret meetings on a bridge with a “Father” to confess my sins on moonlit nights, had a “Vicar” call round for afternoon tea as well as stroking the elongated ears of my basset hound named “Bruce” beside a roaring and real wood fire. I’ve also hosted a daytime talk show whereby the weather is brought to you by a polar bear named “Gerald” so tangled love affairs, unrequited or not, are a run of my particular Twitter mill.
As regular readers will attest, I really want to believe Elon Musk, I really do, but every time he fires a rocket into outer space with a gazillion satellites aboard it worries me. But we’ll get to those worries soon enough. Regular readers will also be aware that I’m eagerly awaiting Elon to escort me on a date to the cinema where we’ll watch a Kung Fu triple bill and then go and get some pie afterwards. He loves True Romance does Elon, but alas I fear our romance will remain sadly untrue and unrequited. Maybe my words of pillow talk love, and the words that a certain German Chancellor just loved hearing toppling from my lips all those years ago will do the trick, and Elon will be the saviour of the world we all yearn for? Is he a renegade in that club that George Carlin warned us about? Is he the ultimate insider?
And why won’t he love me back goddammit!
I’ve written previously on my concerns regarding Mr Musk’s “Neuralink” microchip technology and my fears for it falling into a Bond villain’s hands in a near future that our world leaders are currently pushing further and further toward a nuclear future in every possible sense. And I worry about the proliferation of the “Star link” satellites and the bathing of the world in highly electrically active yet invisible microwaves of internet capability. We already reside in a technological soup that can only be described as a Matrix and whilst I joke about living in a simulation and within our own created solipsistic “worlds”, I fear the coming reality of this supposition becoming a definitively visible and accepted reality. As the war drums continue to beat louder and louder (see below), some unhinged lunatic is going to set the world ablaze (or into a nuclear winter) and I hope it’s not my new and improved unrequited love, Elon Musk.
Please Elon! Don’t be the ultimate insider, or the devilishly disguised outsider, and the Bond villain with the codes to the satellites and an index finger hovering over that damn red button. Please? You’ve tweeted a hearty public approval of the Canadian Truckers (Honk! Honk!), scathing messages to world leaders to serve the populace and not oppress them and you clearly see the bile and vitriol the fourth estate has for EVERYONE and regardless of the colour of their political rosette or their flag of however many colours. You even love True Romance and you quoted a Monty Python song! Please be our saviour Elon. Please? I’ll let you take me to the cinema for a triple bill and I’ll even let you treat me to a piece of pie afterwards before we trawl local comic book stores. We’ll smile lovingly at each other and gaze through the neon lit haze of a neighbouring billboard, probably advertising a packet of “Red Apple” cigarettes, but this won’t be our concern my love. We’ll still be talking all things Kung Fu, eating pie and laughing until the daylight overcomes the artificial light of the night.
Go on! Be the good guy we all need!
Please?
Apart from the creation of ridiculous characters and in effect hiding behind them (no psychoanalysis needed, thanks!) as well as throwing my loving arms around many of the world’s most famous people, I also tweet absolute twaddle on 1980’s films that you will have to have seen to even vaguely get the limp joke I proffer. But the video linked below is an absolute gem! Here we are, on the brink of world war, and you have a grumbling Russian calling out the “mute” and the “deaf” conversations currently ongoing with the UK’s Secretary of State and a lady that when not looking directly down at her script blinks her way through the most stilted, rhetoric filled nonsense as she’s no doubt awkwardly screaming inwardly for help, being leaving the podium alone and clutching her clipboard/folder like a school supply teacher. When talking without the script, the blinking is obvious and a “tell” you can either draw up as nervousness, being ill prepared, uncomfortable talking ad hoc and without a script, or just plain old lies. You pays your money, you takes your chance. The video gave me a good giggle and whenever I get the chance to equate something like this satirically, I always fall back on the film Rocky IV because:
“If I can change and you can change. Everybody can change!”
Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!
I do indeed have dreams of the strangest quality or none at all. Rather like my personality, my dreams are all in or not and for the past two evenings I slept through the dreams of getting married (at 5.30pm and in a huge venue I walked through before meeting some of the guests in the courtyard at the front of the Reception Hall…….) and playing right back in the defensive line for my beloved Liverpool Football Club. What dreams may come, eh? Here’s to tonight’s saga unfolding and I do hope my fetish alter ego gets a look in this time.
Jacob Rees-Mogg was once described on Twitter by someone far, far funnier than I as a “haunted pencil” so I’ve adapted that to a haunted ghost as he does genuinely seem to believe deep down in his much vaunted DNA that we’re currently living in the 17th Century here in the UK and I can’t help but often joke that whenever I see him on the telescreen I’m half expecting him to proclaim we’ve invaded France and the galleon ships off the Portuguese coast are defeating those damn and despised foreigners. “Dear Jacob” sees him pleading with the readers of the most reviled newspaper on this fair island for ideas how to fully explore, utilise and enhance the opportunities that leaving the European Union presents. The irony you see dripping off the vast amounts of other irony is kind of irony squared and I’m so pleased to report that the UK is an absolute basket case. So hooray for that I guess.
For new readers I’m a disaffected lefty from the old school and when left meant defending workers rights, free assembly, bodily autonomy and standing squarely behind free speech. Remember those days? I barely do these days. So Justin (Castro) Trudeau and Keith (Kier) Starmer are as fake as the names I’ve briefly bestowed upon them here and as blatantly fake as their horrific actions continue to be. I fear one will have to throw a “Hail Mary” pass soon and I equally fear that in very short order the other will be UK Prime Minister and this One Party State shit show will really click into human rights abusing gear. Imagine those two being considered “Left” even though I despise and see through these ridiculous political labels? It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so serious.
Thanks for reading. I must close this briefer than normal “Twitter Watch” as I need to check my emails and see if Elon Musk has asked me to go to the cinema with him. In the meantime, should you wish to catch up on previous editions in this particular series, you’ll find these linked below:
Twitter Watch: Volume 1
An ode to Hunter S Thompson and are Neil Oliver and Elon Musk going to save the world?medium.com
Twitter Watch: Vol 2
A drunken Politician’s Wikipedia page and why a Robin Williams quote stands the test of time.medium.com
Twitter Watch: Vol.3
Canadian Truckers dancing to “We Are The World”, Censorship, Unhinged Politicians. And Lenny Bruce is not afraid.medium.com